I feel left out and alone.
I am currently going through a lot. This honestly hurts.
I had an online friend that I really enjoyed talking to, who went under the name, Junithys or ephemerry or Alis Ephemerry or M Alis Labyrinth or Merry, for short. Throught this post, I will be referring to her as Merry. We met all the way back in 2022, through an app called REALITY, a V-Tuber streaming platform. The above image is me (my old avatar is on the right) and Merry, who at the time, was known as Junithys.
Do you ever have that one online friend that you really enjoy talking to, but then suddenly, they just... vanish. With no warning or nothing.
I had an online friend that I really enjoyed talking to, who went under the name, Junithys or ephemerry or Alis Ephemerry or M Alis Labyrinth or Merry, for short. Throught this post, I will be referring to her as Merry. We met all the way back in 2022, through an app called REALITY, a V-Tuber streaming platform. The above image is me (my old avatar is on the right) and Merry, who at the time, was known as Junithys.
For those who care about my indie project, SaGia or at least know about it, she was the voice of my character, Rena in Volume 2's final trailer that I shared last year. I recalled her telling me that it was her first voice acting role and she thanked me for being a part of the project. I actually picked her to be the VA for Rena because hearing her voice in her streams that I would always hop onto, I was like, "yeah, this is perfect for Rena. This voice fits her well".
She was a kind and sweet online friend and we had some similar interests. She was the one who told me that the Yaiba anime was coming back and she got me into Urusei Yatsura more. I had drawn her favorite character, Ataru and she had drawn Ran, my favorite character from the anime (see below). This drawing was made for me in 2024.
Then suddenly, around this year, she slowly started streaming on REALITY less. I came back around last year after I deactivated I believe in 2024 or 2023 on the app because I missed her and she was very surprised to see me back. But, most of her streams were mute since she had it on in the background for working. And then, I believe in May or June, things got quiet. The last time we talked was back in April. The last activity I saw from her was back around May or April... I can't recall, on Instagram where she had sent me some Reels to watch.
I had 1k coins saved up, planning on giving her gifts the next time she streamed, but when I had hopped back on the REALITY app last night on 8/12 and saw her username... instead of seeing her regular username, instead I saw, "retired". It made me sad and also made me think she was no longer streaming anymore. I had checked her Ko-fi and saw a username and looked them up. Hopped on Bluesky, and saw that the user I had looked up just... blocked me for no reason. I was just curious and since they had donated to her and just… I can't look at their profile because they straight up just blocked me for no reason. This is the second person I encountered on that platform that just randomly blocked me for no reason. I don't really use Bluesky that much anymore because my interactions have died down. Besides that, the Discord server Merry invited me in was deleted when I checked.
I tried reaching out to Merry via email and I just have yet to hear back.
Suddenly, I felt tears come out. I was holding it back, but it just came out. I was crying hard, releasing those built-up feelings inside. I had never felt like this because we were really good online friends and we talked a lot. And now, she's just... vanished. Gone online. I still have hopes of her coming back, but, I just don't think she'll come back online anymore. The only platforms that her account(s) are still up are Tumblr, YouTube, Twitter (although private), her REALITY account, and her WordPress blog, and also a blog on some Japanese website. All of them are inactive.
I do have another online friend who we have a lot in common, but he hasn't really been talking to me that much because he's very busy and has been going through a lot.
If there's another SaGia animated project and Rena is in it, then there will be a recast... but, I don't want to recast the voice of Rena, the voice that I really enjoyed and found it very fitting for my character design of Rena. It won't be the same anymore. I gave Merry some good advice and voice direction when she had recorded her lines as Rena for volume 2's final trailer last year. She really enjoyed it and she was very happy and thanked me for having her be a part of the voice cast. Finding a recast will be difficult as when I had published the casting call for volume 2’s final trailer over at Casting Call Club last year, having females audition was difficult and slow compared to the male VAs.
Asides from all of that, I had a rough time sleeping on 8/11 and today. My body was nervous and feeling anxious. I felt jittery when I woke up on 8/12 around 7am. My stomach was hurting multiple times thought the day.
I had that urge to cry… a feeling that I don’t like doing because it makes my head and cheeks hurt. But, all the built-up feelings from social media and feeling alone (the low interactions + SaGia’s 2 Year Anniversary flopping with no one using my discount that I offered), as I vented about in a previous post, combined with the thoughts of my late grandmother, who I was really close to when I was little, personal life, and now this, caused me to finally let all of my tears out like Alice crying pools of tears from Alice in Wonderland after she grew big.
I’m just feeling not to well currently. At least I have my other friends, including my real life ones, but, they’re always busy. I tried reaching out to some friends on Instagram and either they leave me on read due to them being busy or take days to reach out or they’re just inactive online.
Please come back, Merry…
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Update 9/1: I finally heard back from her and she let me know that she is doing okay. It made me very happy to hear from her and seeing that her email was active. I don't know how actively she uses her email, though.